If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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