I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
