I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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