no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
