You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
