Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
