At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
