Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize