How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
