yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
that may or may not have been my penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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