what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!