He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
