Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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