i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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