all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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