He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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