just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
