remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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