I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
