I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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