Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
