either way he was missing a nipple.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
