I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
