how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
