happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
