I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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