white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
