Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
