Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
