holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
