I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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