I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
