I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
