Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
