I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
