shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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