what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
