FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We have started to decorate penises.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
