yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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