ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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