no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
