At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
