this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
