We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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