..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I didn't shave. On purpose
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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