why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
