So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
