he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
