The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You smell like stripper and shame
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
