The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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