I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
