walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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