i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
