A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
