I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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