I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize