this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
