come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
