Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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