I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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