..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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