obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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