I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
