true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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