Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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