You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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