Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
