hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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