The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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