Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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