If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
