drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
found the other keg... it's in the tree
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
