You're my little dorito
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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